6 Tips for When You’re Missing Someone at Christmas
This is the time of year when we typically hear people sing, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” And while that can be the case for many, for those who have lost someone, the holidays can feel bittersweet.
Also read: 6 Practical Tips for Navigating Grief
For many people who are grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a very painful time of year. The season, which is often associated with joy, togetherness, and celebration, can instead magnify feelings of absence and sadness. The familiar sights, sounds, and traditions may serve as reminders of those no longer with us, making the holiday season feel heavy and difficult to navigate.
Here are a few thoughts that might help as you approach the holiday season.
6 Tips for When You’re Missing Someone at Christmas
1. Recognize and Name the Feelings
It’s okay to miss someone at this time of year. In fact, acknowledging and naming the feelings of grief, sadness, or even anger can be the first step toward finding some comfort. You might feel a mix of emotions: some moments may be filled with fond memories, laughter, and happiness, while others are overwhelmed by the pain of their absence. Recognizing these feelings, rather than suppressing them, can help you understand what you're going through. It’s also important to remind yourself that these feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not feel cheerful just because the calendar says “holiday season.”
2. Create New Traditions
Sometimes, the old traditions can be too painful to uphold without your loved ones. The rituals and celebrations that once brought joy may now feel like reminders of what’s missing. It's completely okay if you feel like you need to change things up. Consider switching up your traditions, or creating new ones entirely. This could be as simple as spending time with close friends or family members who understand your situation, or even starting a tradition that honours your loved one’s memory. For example, you might decide to light a candle in their honour during a holiday meal, or share stories about them with others. Alternatively, you might choose to do something completely different this year, like spending the holidays in a quiet, peaceful environment away from the usual festivities. Release any guilt about changing up old traditions. Traditions are meant to bring joy and connection, and if they’re causing you pain, it’s okay to evolve or try something new.
3. Do Something Special in Memory of Your Loved One
Even when we can't be with someone physically, there are still meaningful ways to keep their memory alive during the holiday season. Consider creating a personal ritual that honours their legacy. Perhaps you might make a donation to a cause that was important to them, or bake their favourite holiday treat and share it with others in their memory. Some people find comfort in decorating an ornament that represents their loved one and placing it on the tree, or creating a small memory altar with photos and mementoes. You could also sit quietly and reflect on the memories you cherish most. No matter how you choose to remember them, incorporating their memory into your holiday season can bring a sense of peace and connection, even in their absence.
4. Write a Letter to Your Loved One
Writing a letter to your loved one can be a deeply therapeutic way to express your emotions and thoughts. Sometimes, putting our feelings into words can help us process grief in a safe and personal way. You might write a letter to tell them what you’re experiencing, share how you’re celebrating the holidays without them, or express your love and gratitude. If you’re feeling creative, consider composing a poem or expressing yourself through music or art. While you may not receive a response, the act of writing can bring moments of reflection and even peace, as it allows you to honour their memory in a meaningful way.
5. Be Kind to Yourself
Experiencing "firsts" without a loved one—like the first Christmas after their passing—can be incredibly tough, but so can the "seconds," "thirds," and every year that follows. Regardless of how much time has passed, holidays often bring strong emotions that can resurface, making the absence of your loved one feel particularly intense. It’s important to be kind and gentle with yourself during this time. Grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline, and your feelings may ebb and flow, especially during a season that is culturally tied to family and togetherness. Take the time to care for yourself, whether that means taking a break from social obligations, indulging in a favourite activity, or simply allowing yourself space to feel whatever comes up. If you feel the need, treat yourself to something special—a comforting meal, a quiet afternoon with a good book, or anything that brings you a sense of peace. And remember, it’s okay to set boundaries and say no if you’re not feeling up to certain holiday events. Honour your emotional needs without guilt.
6. Talk to a Therapist
If the weight of grief feels too heavy to bear on your own, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist. Sometimes, our emotions can become overwhelming, and having a professional guide you through your feelings can provide relief and clarity. Therapists can offer valuable coping strategies, a listening ear, and a safe space to process your grief, especially during challenging times like the holidays. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone—reaching out for support is a sign of strength. Whether through individual therapy or grief counselling, talking to a professional can help you better understand your emotions and begin to heal at your own pace. Consider looking into virtual therapy options or finding a therapist with experience in grief support if you feel this would be helpful.