7 Tips for Setting Boundaries
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Many of us feel like we’re under constant pressure, where the stress of our busy lives weighs on our shoulders, and the need to be constantly available is imposed on us. This world of interconnectedness has blurred the lines between home life and the external world, where things such as work obligations, appointments, or even opinions from strangers across the world in a comment section trickle into our quietest moments. Thirty years ago, we never would have been able to check our email before bed, only to find some stressful news waiting for us in our inbox—something that we may feel requires immediate attention, a stressor that needs to be dealt with right away.
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Boundaries, or limit-setting, are very important to our well-being. When we overextend ourselves by doing too much for others, it can impact our own well-being and sense of joy. Setting healthy boundaries not only helps reduce stress but also improves your relationships and overall sense of well-being. When you take care of yourself, you have more to give to others, whether at work, home, or in your personal life. Here are some ways to set boundaries or limits with others.
7 Tips for Setting Boundaries
1. Know Your Limits
Self-reflect on your interests, strengths, and energy. Pay attention to what you can manage and what you can’t. For example, is your cup feeling full, like you can tackle what’s waiting for you in your email inbox at 8 p.m., or is it something you should wait until the morning to tackle? Understand that your limits may change from day to day, hour to hour, so get comfortable with checking in with yourself to see what is going on.
2. Learn to Say No
"No" is a complete sentence; you do not need to over-explain your reasons for saying no. Part of understanding your limits, as mentioned in the first point, is that it grants you the ability to be confident in your decision to say no. Also, remember that it doesn’t need to make sense to those around you—you are the only one who knows what is going on in your life enough to make these decisions, so trust that you have all the tools you need to make the best decision.
3. Be Assertive
After you’ve determined your limits and said no, be assertive if you’ve received pushback. When we start becoming stronger at setting boundaries, people may try to push them. Be assertive and stay true to yourself. This does not mean being rude or disrespectful to the other person, but rather reaffirming your decision.
4. Learn to Redirect or Not Participate in Conversations That Are Unsettling
Much of the world feels polarizing these days. Differences have become stronger, and frustration and anger may feel overwhelming. If a topic is feeling too heavy or difficult to bear, it’s okay to redirect the conversation to something more comfortable or opt out of participating if that is more comfortable. Just because others are speaking in a particular way doesn’t mean you need to as well.
5. It Is OK to Delay Replies to Texts and Emails
Sometimes we need to take a break from electronics. It’s okay to set boundaries around when we check our messages and emails. The reality is that every time we check our phones or emails, we truly don’t know what could be waiting for us. We could be about to head to bed and check our email, only to find some challenging news. Alternatively, we may get a text from a friend that makes us laugh and lifts our spirits. It’s okay to choose not to look at our messages, or even wait to reply until later.
6. It Gets Easier
The more we set boundaries, the easier it becomes. It’s been ingrained in many of us to always put the needs of others above ourselves, and while there is a lot of kindness and love in this messaging, it’s also okay to put our own needs first. As we start becoming more aware of our boundaries and setting them more frequently, things can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries. Even if it feels awkward at first, sticking to your limits will help reinforce them in the long run. Practice makes perfect, and over time, it’ll get easier.
7. Self-Care is Imperative
Remind yourself of your worth and engage in activities that bring you joy and strength. Trust that you have all you need within yourself, and that setting boundaries can be done in a kind, compassionate manner that can make things comfortable for all parties.
Remember, it’s OK to be flexible when life presents unexpected challenges. Sometimes, you may need to adjust your boundaries for a short period, but the key is being mindful of your needs. Life happens, and it's all about finding that balance.
Take a moment today to reflect on where you might need to set boundaries in your life. What’s one area where you can start saying ‘no’ to protect your well-being? This simple act can be the first step toward living a more balanced and empowered life.